Back in October, I started journaling more frequently. On October 9th, I wrote, "I have an overwhelming sense of purpose and a desire to live for something other than myself. I'm 31 years old, and I want my life to count. For God. To make an eternal difference in people's lives. I feel like God has turned the focus of my heart to Uganda, Africa. I think about that country continually throughout the day. I think about precious Umalu, who our family just started sponsoring through Compassion International. I think about the fact that it's 5:45 PM there right now when it's 9:45 AM here. I think about the precious orphans at Amani who are probably getting ready to eat their dinner . . . God made all those beautiful orphans just like he made Riley and Cole. We are SO incredibly blessed to have the life we have. And God has blessed us in order that we might be a blessing to others. He has given us resources that we can use to give others hope and even the chance for another day of LIFE. God, please stir in our hearts and lead us in how to be faithful stewards of what you've given us. Connect our hearts together and guide us as we navigate through all of this . . . I pray that you'd continue to give me a vision of the things you want to do through me and our family. Help me teach my boys how important it is to heed your voice and follow after you - even when it calls for sacrifice."
On November 6th, I wrote, "I still feel like God's working in my heart in the the area of social justice and caring for the poor. He's at work at Green Hills [Church], too! People are caring for the homeless by packing bags of food and toiletries, etc. to keep in their cars to pass out. Our small group will be putting together bags in the next couple of weeks . . . My heart still feels tender toward orphans, and I've asked Brad to pray with me to see if God wants us to adopt. It sounds weird even as I write that, but I truly believe that if it's something God wants us to do, He'll provide for us in every way . . . God, if you want us to adopt a child or two :), would you please speak to BOTH of us about it? Would our hearts be completely unified? And if you have other plans for us, would you show us? I know you want to, and I trust that you will."
November 23: "Brad and I are in Birmingham hanging out together right now. Life has been a crazy whirlwind for a few months now, and it's so nice to slow down a little for a couple of days. We've been talking about adopting some while we've been here, and I think we probably will!!! It's exciting and scary to think about at the same time! Part of me feels completely overwhelmed, and part of me longs to be "mommy" to some precious child who doesn't have one."
November 24: "Today Brad and I walked down to the creek at the barn. On the way back, I asked him if I need to say 'if we adopt' or if I could say 'when we adopt.' I keep talking about it, and it's been hard to know which he preferred :). He said 'when we adopt,' and my heart did flip flops! We're really going to, and he said we could go ahead and start the paperwork soon! . . . Today for the first time my heart longed for him - for the child who's probably already born - who is alone with no family. For the first time I wondered what he looks like and what he was doing at that moment. For the first time my heart ached for him. I'm going to start praying for him. I wish I knew his name. I've thought about him all through the day and thought about how it will be different with him in our family. We'll need an extra chair at the Thanksgiving table, we might not be able to all go on long hikes in the woods because he might be too little to keep up, etc., etc. God, I pray for our sons - all THREE of them! I pray that you will give Brad and me the wisdom and patience to parent them well . . . I'm so excited - and scared :). I know that this is from you, though, God. And I know that it's the right thing for our family. I know that it won't be easy, but I believe with all my heart that it will be worth it. Thank you for answering my prayer and putting this on BOTH of our hearts!"
So, there you have it. And let me just go ahead and say that I was hesitant about putting my personal thoughts and prayers out there for whomever to see. I only write it publicly because it's a testament of how God listens to and answers our prayers. I was itching to adopt - so much that I was completely restless. That part of the journey was actually pretty lonely for me. Brad didn't feel the same way I felt (yet), and God was really the only one I felt like I could go to. I'm so thankful now, though, that I wrote all of it down and that I can look back and see how God was faithful and how he answered my mumbled, jumbled prayers :).
Next post: Why ETHIOPIA?!?!?!?!
By the way, here's Umalu, the little boy we're sponsoring from Uganda. He wrote us a letter and thanked us for letting him be our "African son" . . . and stole my heart!
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