Missing Him

I don't know him yet. I have no idea what his name is or what his face looks like. I don't know the circumstances behind him being orphaned. But I love him. It's the strangest thing. To love someone that you don't know yet. It happens when you're pregnant, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it happens with adoption, too. But it still seems a little strange. I think of him often - every day for sure. I do the math in my head and figure out what time it is where he lives. I wonder what he's doing, if he's being loved on, if he has enough food to eat. I long to hug him and cup his face in my hands and kiss his little cheeks. And I don't even know him yet. I think God must do that. You know? Give me that kind of love for someone I don't know. I might not know him, but he's already mine, and I long for the day when I can be his mom and do all the things for him that moms do. So if you see me driving down the street with tears rolling down my face, I'm probably okay - just thinking of him. I don't know how long it will take to get him home, but it won't be fast enough for this mama. Until then, I'll pray for him because I know God loves him so much more than I do.

Psalm 139:1-16

O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.